The Various Lover's of Ashuly

Not in chronological order, but close. Starting from most recent.

Paco: 1 1/2 -  "lights my heart of fire." Part German Shepherd, Healer and perhaps a little Corgi.

Paco's Dad or "Little Irish": 27 - Work together, thoughtful, snowboarder, laid back, is in San Francisco right now.

"Mud" 24: Lives in Mississippi, met in the park while playing football, went back to Mississippi at the end of the summer, proposed once. Girlfriend tried to friend on facebook.

Jemeeraqua 29: from the Bahamas. Long talk about trust and communication revealed he had another girlfriended and confessed to wanting both. Overbearingly sexual.

"Beautiful" 25: Smokes and sells weed, beautiful but not photogenic. Hiked Mount Bachelor together.

"Breathstopper" 27 from Flagstaff: Met at McMenamins while having a lonely Spanish coffee and he was having a lonely beer. Left to Texas.

"Punk Kid:" had a crush

Timothy: Kid Cudi wannabee from Eugene. Super cool, listens to cool music, wears cool clothes, says all the right words.

Wax 22: complex developed when he once claimed, "Jo Thorsen is the most beautiful women in the world." Tried to fufill that sterotype. Ended up not succeeding but ended complex when once he made me "unsad."

Firefighter Pisces 27 from New York: Wrote poems, had two kids. Considered the relationship because he was Italian. Alas.

Joe Luis Garcia 32: Met at Seven while dancing. Has three children even though one is not really his. Dated for a month and it didn't work out. Prayed a lot to not be sad and get over it.

Raw Foodie Boy 21: Did yoga and worked for Jem Raw Chocolates. Would talk about, "mind over matter," often and would fast and hike a mountain. Relationship was like two magnets opposing one another.
Friend of RFB also of the same name: Raft guide, had big fingers, manly man, grandpa-y. Stupid one night stand.
Other friend of RFB Trevor: One week crush that was ended when the decision was made to stop dating in the RFB circle of friends.

Bike Safety Guy, 20something: Dated for one hour while at McMenamins. Left him for Wall Street.

Rob from North Cal: Snowboarder. Went on a date on the pretense of discussing relgion and philosophy but just want to dump conspiracy theories. Decent cuddler, grew a secret weed garden under his half-pipe. Made great raw salads and never worked claiming there was a loophole in the Constitution which entitled him to government money. Went to see Avatar and ruined the movie by being emotionally distant. Moved to Colorado when government didn't give him his money. Does not have a facebook.

Tea Guy: Went hiking, wanted to "do it." Was asked to leave because of being uncomfortable. Good cook.

The-Guy-Who-Always-Wore-A-Hat 24: texted a picture of his penis.

B&N Barista, 22: Blatantly explained he, "didn't have time for frivolous relationships." Made mix CD's.

Mitch from New Jersey: Did not want to commit. Asked him, "why don't you use your tongue sometimes when you kiss?!" in public and he didn't talk for five minutes. Rich. Did nothing. Went out to expensive dinner dates.

Fruit Vendor, 22: Discussed marriage. Sold hard drugs, "but not meth." Not a soul-mate. Working a fruit stand in Portland.

Charlie 21: texted, "send me a pic of you naked."

Chimney Sweep: Had a crush on him when together. Great skateboarder, emotionally deep, doesn't like watching me dance in public. Really cute.

James Franco: huge crush on since Pineapple Express and Date Night.

Patrick Foster, 19 or 20: Not related to Max or Patrick. Cage fighter. Kissing was awkward. Played guitar and wrote his own songs. Once showed up at family's house without a shirt.

Tay: Dumb. Lingerer.

Nick Holgan: One date. Kind of dumb. Talked about building a future.

Anthony: Red hair. Met while dancing. Never made it to a third date.

Jade: 5 month long relationship. Did everything together. Has become reclusive recently.

Daniel: Made fish. Ruined the movie The Hangover. Always wanted to kiss in public.

Jackson: Cook at the mate shop. watched Rocky Horror Picture Show. Can't go to bars because he's too young.

Darrin: Pro Skateboarder. Looks like Lil' Wayne. Is in the tarp surfing Mt.Dew commercial. Met at Venice skate park. Sponsored by Rock Star Energy Drink.

Additional Commentary
Love at first sight is crap, we need to relinquish the storybook story from our romantic realities. Love is like yoga, you still do the downward dog even though you hate it.
It's important to be aware and attentive and to not go into love blindly.
For all the guys I've dated, thank you for taking me through what you took me through.

Jeffrey Brown

Only love.

All I had was love. No house. No car. No job.

She was drawing at the tea place and I didn't have any tea but I had a guitar and asked her what she favorite of the Seven Deadly Sins and she said, "greed."

So I played her the song I wrote about greed and told her she was everything that I wanted. I told her I had nothing because I was saving room in my life for her. I wanted only her and I didn't want anything to get in the way of that.

Intro

"Olive stew," he mouthed to me.
But what it looked like was,
"I love you."

And the truth was, I loved him too.

He had said it over the table in science class.
I was in 7th grade.
Maybe 8th.

"Olive Stew," he had mouthed.

I was in love with Josh but I could love Mike.
 Mike Hoffman.
Blonde hair and braces.
Probably liked Neggie, but she was dating Gavin so maybe I had a chance.

"What?" I say to Mike. (I love you, too)

He could tell I had swelled with some kind of feeling.
He could just tell.
Realizing the whole scenario in an instant.

That I loved him and that it made him uncomfortable.

"Olive stew, is what I mouthed," he explained.
A trick he had learned from somebody.
Mouth olive stew and it looks like you're saying, "I love you."

A dirty trick.

I once played a dirty trick.

No, actually it wasn't a dirty trick, I had meant it.

I told a boy I loved him.
Pulled him off to the side at work and told him.

And now I wanted him to know I loved him and he asked me if I was joking.

No, I was not joking, I said.

He said he'd get back to me.

Later that night I watched Across the Universe and was happy even though I didn't like that movie.

Two days later he brushed me off.
Over myspace.
With a fifth of that dirty banana flavored Jack Daniels whisky in my lap I had sobbed the entire night as my ex-boyfriend who hadn't moved out slept in my bed in the next room.

I had slept on the couch and ran 5 miles at 6am the next morning.

I'd like to say I moved on.

 Asked him for all my presents back. The painting. The hemp necklace. The zine I had made just for him.

He left the place we worked and deleted me on myspace. Heard he finished his novel. About talking animals that can travel in time. Takes pictures of himself shirtless in mirrors.

"Olive stew, is what I mouthed," is what I should've told him.